Conversations I thought I'd never have, but had recently...
We all have them, those weird little conversations or word vomit sentences we thought would never escape our mouths let alone even be thought. So I've rounded up some of my favourite (before I forget them) for you to laugh over and judge me to the extreme <- because we all do that too, don't deny it.
here they are...
1. Hannibalistic?
Ralph: "I got some polish chicken pâté from the shop"
Me: "It's probably got horse in it... "
Ralph: "Probably, smells good though.."
Me: "To be honest I don't really mind what it has in it as long as it's not human, actually a couple more episodes of Hannibal and I'm sure I wont even mind if it has human in it either"
2. As opposed to eggs that grow off tree's?
Me: "Yeah, we have two chickens, would you like some eggs?"
Acquaintance: "Gross, you actually eat their eggs?"
Me: "Yes, of course?"
Acquaintance: "But it comes out of their butt!"
Me: "Uhh? Yes? "
3. Fabulous!
Ralph: "What you looking for?"
Me: "I can't find my mascara..."
Searches room
Me: "Oh I forgot, Rohan (Our son) was using it!"
Ralph: "What??"
Me: "To play with, not put on his face... I hope"
4. What food reminds me of..
Ralph: "Want to watch Come Dine With Me?" A cooking show
Me: "Ooooo, is Hannibal on!?"
5. On sleeping arrangements
Me: "You'd think having two guys in my bed would be every woman's fantasy, no, my duvet just reeks of flatulence now..."
6. Wakeing up with mascara all over my face
Me: "Gosh, I look like a back alley whore who either made a BUNCH of money last night or got the wrong end of the stick if you know what I mean?"
7. aaah friends, you gotta love em.
Friend: "What is that white stuff in your hair!? 0.o"
Me: "I know what you're thinking and it's not, it's baby puke I promise"
8. Pass the dutchie to the left hand side
Me: "I need a heatlamp, do you know anyone who has one I can borrow for 8 weeks?"
Friend: "Uhh, what are you growing?"
Me: "I couldn't even grow THAT even if I tried... it's for chicks"
Ralph: "I got some polish chicken pâté from the shop"
Me: "It's probably got horse in it... "
Ralph: "Probably, smells good though.."
Me: "To be honest I don't really mind what it has in it as long as it's not human, actually a couple more episodes of Hannibal and I'm sure I wont even mind if it has human in it either"
2. As opposed to eggs that grow off tree's?
Me: "Yeah, we have two chickens, would you like some eggs?"
Acquaintance: "Gross, you actually eat their eggs?"
Me: "Yes, of course?"
Acquaintance: "But it comes out of their butt!"
Me: "Uhh? Yes? "
3. Fabulous!
Ralph: "What you looking for?"
Me: "I can't find my mascara..."
Searches room
Me: "Oh I forgot, Rohan (Our son) was using it!"
Ralph: "What??"
Me: "To play with, not put on his face... I hope"
4. What food reminds me of..
Ralph: "Want to watch Come Dine With Me?" A cooking show
Me: "Ooooo, is Hannibal on!?"
5. On sleeping arrangements
Me: "You'd think having two guys in my bed would be every woman's fantasy, no, my duvet just reeks of flatulence now..."
6. Wakeing up with mascara all over my face
Me: "Gosh, I look like a back alley whore who either made a BUNCH of money last night or got the wrong end of the stick if you know what I mean?"
7. aaah friends, you gotta love em.
Friend: "What is that white stuff in your hair!? 0.o"
Me: "I know what you're thinking and it's not, it's baby puke I promise"
8. Pass the dutchie to the left hand side
Me: "I need a heatlamp, do you know anyone who has one I can borrow for 8 weeks?"
Friend: "Uhh, what are you growing?"
Me: "I couldn't even grow THAT even if I tried... it's for chicks"
9. Utero
Acquaintance: "So when are you having another baby?"
Me: "Urm, well IF we do decide to have another, probably not for 3 years at least."
Acquaintance: "You HAVE to have another one! You can't just have one! And don't leave it long apart, it's so much better if they are closer together"
Me: Thinking* (I'm sorry, I didn't know my uterus was part-owned by you, you are so right!)
10. Same Acquaintance as above
Acquaintance: "Oh my god you're not going to breast feed are you!?"
Me: Smiles*
Acquaintance: "You are crazy! You don't want to do that, you're not up for it"
Me: Thinking* (Maybe, but I'll tell you what I'm "up for" doing right now!) clenches fist*
Acquaintance: "So when are you having another baby?"
Me: "Urm, well IF we do decide to have another, probably not for 3 years at least."
Acquaintance: "You HAVE to have another one! You can't just have one! And don't leave it long apart, it's so much better if they are closer together"
Me: Thinking* (I'm sorry, I didn't know my uterus was part-owned by you, you are so right!)
10. Same Acquaintance as above
Acquaintance: "Oh my god you're not going to breast feed are you!?"
Me: Smiles*
Acquaintance: "You are crazy! You don't want to do that, you're not up for it"
Me: Thinking* (Maybe, but I'll tell you what I'm "up for" doing right now!) clenches fist*
No comments:
Post a Comment